Seeing Yourself Whole: Embracing a compassionate, holistic view in Recovery
In the journey of recovery, one of the hardest battles is often the one we fight within our own minds. We become experts at dissecting our past, criticizing our choices, and cataloging our perceived flaws. This fragmented view of ourselves — seeing only the "addict," the "mistake," or the "failure", can keep us stuck. But what if there a more complete way to see ourselves? What if this view could allow us to offer ourselves and those around us more acceptance, understanding and compassion? This is the essence of a holistic perspective.
What Does It Mean to See Yourself Holistically?
A holistic view means looking at the entire picture of who you are: a complex, interconnected being with physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. It’s the understanding that your mind affects your body, your emotions influence your thoughts, and your spiritual well-being impacts every aspect of your life.
Instead of isolating one part you dislike, you acknowledge that every piece belongs. Your past experiences, your current struggles, your hopes for the future, they are all part of your unique story. You are not just your addiction; you are a whole person who has experienced addiction.
Seeing yourself holistically also means looking around you and perceiving how your relationships, environment, society and life patterns affect your experience of life. John Donne’s famous poem “No man is an island” speaks to the relatedness of the human experience, drawing awareness to the easily forgotten reality that I am part of a greater whole. In a world that increasingly reinforces our individual identities — in online accounts, profiles and personas, consumer marketing and more, the bigger truth of how our individual self are continually effected and influenced by the world around us is often lost. The truth is that we are interconnected beings, and much suffering derives from the illusion that we are not.
In the African language of Xhosa, the original language of Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela, the word “Ubuntu” denotes the sense that who I am is part of who we are (Tutu, 2014). Viewing the self as part of a bigger whole, like family, community, humanity, or even earth, recognizes a sense of belonging as well as common experience. This sense of common experience can play a vital role in self compassion as Kristen Neff explains: “All you need to have self-compassion is to be a flawed human being like everyone else. It's a constant source of support and refuge.” (Neff, 2021)
Einstein puts it this way,
“A human being is part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
—EINSTEIN, The Einstein Papers (1987)
The truth is that we are interconnected beings, and much suffering derives from the illusion that we are not.
The Power of Compassion
Adopting a holistic view is nearly impossible without a crucial ingredient: compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. When you stumble, you don’t berate yourself; you provide a gentle hand and encouragement to get back up.
Kirsten Neff describes self compassion as being having three dimensions: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness:
“(a) self-kindness—being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical, (b) common humanity—perceiving one's experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as separating and isolating, and (c) mindfulness—holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them.” (2010)
In recovery, this is transformative. It allows you to:
Acknowledge Pain Without Judgment: You can look at the pain you’ve caused yourself and others without getting trapped in a cycle of shame.
Learn from Setbacks: A compassionate lens turns a relapse or a difficult day from a "failure" into a learning opportunity.
Nourish Instead of Punish: It shifts the focus from punishing your body for past choices to nourishing it with healthy food, gentle movement, and restorative rest.
Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend.
Nurturing Your Whole Self
How can you start practicing this compassionate, holistic view today?
Mind: Pay attention to your inner critic. When you hear that harsh, judgmental voice, gently challenge it. Ask yourself, "Is this what I would say to someone I love?" Practice mindfulness to observe your thoughts without getting swept away by them.
Body: Listen to what your body needs. Is it hungry? Tired? Tense? Respond with care. Drink a glass of water, stretch for five minutes, or eat a nourishing meal. Thank your body for its resilience and its ability to heal.
Emotions: Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, without needing to numb them or push them away. All feelings, from anger and grief to joy and hope, are valid. They are simply messengers.
Spirit: Reconnect with what gives you a sense of purpose and meaning. This could be through nature, meditation, creativity, community, or a spiritual practice. Nurturing your spirit is what fuels long-term hope and resilience.
Seeing yourself as a whole person is a practice, not a destination. It requires patience and a gentle commitment to shifting your perspective, one day at a time. At New Leaf Holistic Recovery, this is the foundation of our approach. We believe that true, lasting recovery happens when you learn to embrace and care for every part of who you are.
References:
1) Tutu, D., Tutu, M. A., Kae-Kazim, H., & Badaki, Y. (2014). The book of forgiving: The fourfold path for healing ourselves and our world. San Francisco: HarperOne.
2) Neff, K. (2021). Fierce self-compassion: How women can harness kindness to speak up, claim their power, and thrive. Penguin UK.
3) Einstein, A. (1987). The Collected Papers of Albert Einstein (Vols. 1-). Princeton University Press.
4) Neff, K. D. (2011). Self‐compassion, self‐esteem, and well‐being. Social and personality psychology compass, 5(1), 1-12.
5) Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and identity, 2 (2), 85-101.
